Another Weekend in Hell

I just can’t catch a break. Thursday I was feeling like crap but decided to try to get to the center. I left at my normal time (an hour before) thankful that DiAnn would be at the center to do most of the heavy lifting. She called me at 5:50. . . .25 minutes before the start of class saying she wouldn’t be coming that she didn’t feel well. . . Too late to cancel, and feeling like crap, I held the class. Not my best, but I did what I could. . . hope it was enough.

Friday all hell broke loose. for some reason, my ear/throat began to cause me great pain. It felt like the sinus infections I used to get, but my sinuses didn’t hurt. Pain kept increasing, voice kept disappearing. I should have know it would only get worse. I made the decision that I would wait till my Dr. appt on Monday and not call on Friday. Still not sure if it was the right thing to do; but no fever, so I thought it was a safe bet.

Saturday, there were no L1 or L2 classes, but we did have puppy. Again, with my ear hurting as much as it was and my voice almost gone, I was thankful I had help in the center. Oh wait, she never showed. No notice that she wasn’t coming, just didn’t come. Boy did I punt through puppy class, but again made it through. Limped home; must have driven about 20 mph all the way home. The pain was very distracting. Shouldn’t have been out in the first place.

Thank heaven the dogs were good when I got home. I went onto the couch and didn’t come off all weekend. Pain was excruciating; couldn’t eat; couldn’t drink; and Percocet didn’t put a dent in the pain. I did work under the assumption it was congestion causing all this, so I took Sudafed D and used a steaming mask to try to break things up. Nothing seemed to help.

By Sunday night, I was feeling a little bit better and tried to eat some solid food. Soft pasta noodles I thought would be a good bet. . . WRONG!!! The pain went through the roof worse than ever. Went to bed at 8pm in tears.

I guess what made it worse what that it was a holiday weekend and I never heard from the kids. . . not for the holiday or to see how I was feeling. I hadn’t heard from either of them in over a week. I heard from Mom, Aunt Anne (Susan and Annmarie were at her house), Louis, and Uncle Tony. Like I said before, I keep being shown time and time again, that the only person I can depend on to really get through this is me. Sucks, but that’s how it is. Now all I have to do is be strong enough to do it.

I should have known that since I and an appt today, the pain would be much better . . . .and it was. I think the vaporizer treatments helped a lot. Today is was only annoying. Dr. couldn’t see anything but told me to keep an eye on it.

He was not happy with how my chemo was going. Apparently my numbers (especially white blood count) were too all over the place. The meds that were supposed to stabilize the white count were looking as if they were completely ineffective. He needed to change my regimen so that I could have follow-up treatment the next day after chemo and again one week after. Hopefully that will keep my numbers a little more even. We’ll see. I start next Monday with the new Chemo regimen.

I give up trying to think I’m going to have good days during chemo. It just doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. The best I’m going to hope for is not awful.

I was feeling better today and decided I needed to empty the clean dishes from the dishwasher and load it up again from all the crap in the sink. Then I thought maybe I’d sweep the house (and remove the several dogs’ worth of hair on the floors). I got finished with the dishes and was completely wiped. . . couldn’t get to the floors. We’ll try for that tomorrow. (Keep your fingers crossed. . .I hate living in this pit).

That’s about it for now. I was able to start to crochet again (it’s been almost 2 weeks since I was able to do that). I am determined to finish this handbag by tomorrow. Hopefully I can report that successful too.

As Tigger would say TTFN

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