The week is starting to get a little better. I am not as dizzy and can open my eyes and feel somewhat normal again. I can work on a computer and crochet and have a little ambition, although not a lot.
There is very little nausea although the constipation I was expecting turned out to be just the opposite. If it continues, I will have to notify the doctors of that as well.
Sleep is fleeting. I am up to go to the bathroom at least 4 times during the night which is unusual. When I do sleep, it feels forced like I am clamping my eyelids closed for rest.
I have no interest in eating which is ok except that I really need to eat and I really have nothing in the house. I have food, but my desire and stamina needed to cook are non-existent. I’ll have to get Cobourn’s to deliver things that I can prepare quickly. I am told that I should graze more than eat, which is fine with me, I just have to find what to graze on.
I’ve noticed several, what I call, significant changes since I have gotten my first infusion. My body temperature, which typically would run between 68.4 and 74 degrees is now consistently higher at around 98.8. So afraid of infection with my white count very possibly depleted (even with the medication to boost it), I check my temp throughout the day. . . talk about neurotic. I am going for my “tox screen” on Friday. At that time they will let me know how my white count is holding up. Until then, I think it wise to lay low and stay as protected as possible. Dr. Laudi said that the chance of infection is less from others and more from myself, but the flu is rampant and there are kids and lots of people in class, so I’ll play it safe. . . WIMP! (and that annoys me too).
The other big change is I’m losing weight at a staggering rate. All toll, I’ve lost over 20 pounds since January. (Granted that included the 8 pounds for the mastectomy, but still). Even from yesterday, I’m down 2 pounds. I don’t know if it’s from the chemo itself of my new eating (or non-eating) habits. Time will tell. Losing weight is not un-welcome (purposeful use of the double-negative), but I need to make sure it’s not going to make me ill, either.
My depression has abated for the moment, I have been way too busy trying to stay conscious through the dizziness and headaches and trying to manage the symptoms to be depressed. I am still very not motivated to do much, though. I am frustrated with people who claim to be my friends (and good friends at that) that don’t check in from one end of the week to the other. When they do, they offer small platitudes and are off the phone in 2 minutes. I don’t know if they just can’t deal with what I’m going through or are too busy to be able to spare the time. In either case, I don’t care. I know I would be there for them.
When I was so sick after chemo and here alone, I called out for help. I always used to say that there is no one I could count on in an emergency. I was proven right. Of the 4 people I called, no one could help me. All have very reasonable excuses so I couldn’t be upset, but the bottom line is. . . I was alone. (Jenn did come up and help right away when I called. . . THANK YOU, JENN).
So the bottom line is, you have to learn how to be able to tend for yourself, no one else will do it for you. Maybe I should look into one of those emergency services for just such times. I could have called 911, but that’s not what I needed right then. I needed someone to help me so I could go to bed and feel better. Oh well. That episode has passed. On to the next exciting adventure.
We’ll see how today goes and write more later.
ttfn
-joann