It’s been several years since I have written of my experiences here. Luckily, I lived through all the treatments and surgeries. . . and I don’t say that as a figure of speech. Truth be told, if this recurs, I don’t know that I will go through that again. I don’t know that I will survive it.
Life after cancer has been hard. I was deemed “all well again” and yet I find myself unable to get a job, my body betrays me at every turn, and my life has become a huge day-to-day struggle. Once your well, your support system (or one that you did have) seems to dissipate. Why not, you’re well, no need anymore? I can’t say I blame people it’s really hard been a support for someone in that much need.
So I move on. I have become a struggling dog trainer and have to start over in life with an uncooperative body and the income of a High School Graduate with the responsibilities and entanglements of a 59-year-old. But day by day we make it work,
Anyway, as the title says life goes on and because of events today, I find myself pondering on the adage “Everything I needed to know, I learned in kindergarten”. In a way it’s true but in a way I find myself learning about the human condition each and every day. Today was a huge lesson, I just have to wonder at people and their motivations. I’ll try to make this story not as long as I would like it (I would love to rant at this point, but that won’t be productive to either you or me).
I am part of a group that is set up to support each other and further our businesses. I became very “attached” to many of the people in this group and would never hurt any of them. My goal from this group seemed to be aligned with the group when i joined: support each other, share info, and provide referrals. I see now, that our definition of support was vastly different.
I was feeling dissatisfied with the group. Month after month, I would sit and listen to people try to sell ME things that I neither wanted nor needed. One of the main focuses each month were our elevator pitches. Half of the people used this time as a product sales pitch on the latest specials this month, some of them made something up on the way in, and some put some time into it but seemed they never really understood what an elevator pitch was. In addition, my vision of support is to help each other be better. This means educate and fine-tune each other in a professional supportive way. Again, I was mistaken.
I got feedback from a few of the group members (at the time there were only 12 in the group, so the few was a decent percentage) about back-channel communications and decisions, common misunderstandings, an over-whelmed coordinator, and a general dissatisfaction with the direction of the group. Albeit, this was only from a few of the members.
With this information, I decided to interrupt the flow of a meeting and present the group with the issues I was both hearing and experiencing. I had several people express support for the ideas and several who vehemently and strongly disagreed. I could tell I was both stepping on toes and was seen as trying to destroy a safety net that some in the group had built.
However, the conversation continued. Not once did I hear that this was not the right time and place and suggest another. The group (on both sides) was engaged and continued. I let the conversation go. When the discussion ended, it ended with absolutely no resolution, no plan, no next steps, it just ended. I asked about next steps and the answer was shot back at me with disdain that if I wanted this continued, I’d have to call a special meeting and “see who shows up”.
Even with all of that, I was ok with how it went. We had a difference of opinion it was face to face, it was open and honest but PROFESSIONAL. No personal comments were made and most (but glaringly noticed, not all) people who had something to say, said it. After the meeting, even one of the members with an opposite opinion spoke to me and seemed to be good with the conversation and even told me of how the group was going wrong and needed to be righted. Like I said, not a great outcome, but not the worst either.
Then the glorified social media kicked in. One of the things that I have re-learned is that social media is the platform of the coward. Not having to bear looking someone in the eye or seeing them at all, encourages the worst in us. I was never mentioned directly, but comments rang out like “ I want to make it known that I felt today’s meeting was an “AMBUSH” against all that we have built here. “ and ” The whole negative approach of listing all the thjngs (typo in original) that were wrong with our group was very unprofessional and just not nice! “. (Mind you, the coordinator of the group was informed what I was going to do, how I was going to do it, and what I was going to say). Then things turned into “sides”. UGH. the drama. I just can’t deal with it. I am vacillating between fury and a sense of extreme sadness at the way I perceive I was treated.
So what did I learn today? I learned that people are very fragile and cannot handle anything that moves them out of their comfort zone. I’ve learned that even when they say something to a person’s face, they cannot be trusted without a long history with that person. I learned that going out on a limb is rarely rewarded and rarely worth it. I learned that I am tough but fragile and being tough has nothing to do with the ability to be hurt. Being tough is knowing you might be hurt and doing it anyway. These are things I never learned in kindergarten. I learned that dogs are better than people. This I did know!